catra was terrified and in so much pain because she needed to deal with the fallout of adora leaving–because shadow weaver inflicted physical punishment on her for it. the consequences of adora’s desertion became hers.

image
image

we know that shadow weaver already told catra years earlier, that she’s only been kept around because adora likes her. for that to be used against her like this must have created an even more terrifying situation than usual. if being close to adora couldn’t protect her, then what could? would she ever feel safe? what would it take to not be scared all the time? 

catra could have easily greeted adora with a guilt-trip. “why did you leave? do you know what shadow weaver did to me? why would you put me through that? why did you let me down? you said we’d protect each other!” 

nope. none of that. she was fucking ecstatic to finally see adora. no mention of what she’d already suffered because of adora–just, “oooo i have a TANK! haha did you get captured? well, it’s all fine now, because we’re going home!! right?”  

more suffering catradora angst analysis behind the cut:

image
image
image

even when catra brought up the topic of shadow weaver’s wrath, she didn’t mention what she personally suffered because of adora’s departure. she deflected–it was all about, “haha, isn’t shadow weaver the worst? haha!” as she was likely reliving that terrifying encounter. one of who knows how many. 

image
image
image
image

catra finally cracked when adora had her “revelation” about the horde’s true nature. this entire time, catra hadn’t had the luxury of ignorance. because of all the suffering, physical and verbal, that she endured, she couldn’t maintain her illusions about the horde “doing the right thing.” the choice to “do the right thing” had been taken away from her before she even knew what doing the right thing meant. for adora to ask how she could be okay with it, as if catra ever had a choice, while emphasizing their difference in upbringing… 

image
image
image

it wasn’t until this moment that catra pointed out how much more she’d suffer at the hands of shadow weaver if she failed to bring adora back. even then, she didn’t mention that adora’s actions (read: shadow weaver’s) had already caused her immense physical pain. 

in fact, she didn’t mention that until after the horrible flashbacks in episode 11. 

image
image
image

catra was willing to suffer anything for adora–as long as she thought that adora would do the same. it was them against the world. it was a promise. maybe she and adora weren’t given the luxury of doing the right thing for etheria, but they could do the right thing for each other. catra truly believed in that.

adora wants to save the world. it’s her destiny. it’s the right thing to do. by fighting for good, she’s preventing people from losing their loved ones. bow and glimmer said it themselves–everyone on bright moon has lost someone because of the horde. someone they loved, as much as catra loves adora and adora loves catra. 

catra only ever wanted to save adora, and maybe herself, if she could manage it. 

seahawk: when mermista walks down the street, she does not give a shit what anyone thinks of her in any situation. She’s my hero. when I walk down the street, I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting. Mermista said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.